Being an obedient, compliant person was a big deal for me growing up. Temper tantrums were rare even when things didn’t go my way. In fact it was quite the opposite. Throughout my childhood, following the customs and often unspoken expectations in the Asian culture were huge in my household. While having proper manners are important in any culture or traditions, I just wish someone had taken the time to teach me how to respectfully question the status quo, or simply how to ask “why?” so the rationale would be clear. If that was the case, I would have prevented going down a rabbit hole of being compliant but often intimidated on the inside.
I was trapped in a fear that didn’t make sense
By teenage years, avoiding uncomfortable situations became my norm. It was much easier to stick with activities that were considered my strengths. Instead of taking the liberty at that age to explore my dreams and passions, risk aversion began to guide most of my decisions throughout college and beyond. I would even brag about my analytical skills and risk mitigation abilities both personally and professionally. Everyone saw me as a goal getter, chasing my goals and milestones. On the inside, though, that cover-up mentality started to brew.
It was indeed a big lost to avoid what I interpreted as “risks”
At the time it seemed like the safest place to focus on building a promising career rather than taking the time to resolve some lingering fears, such as dealing with uncertainties, taking the next step in life, future parenting, etc. The increasing awareness of the tension between a family and demanding career kept occupying my mind.
One day in spring 1997, just a few months prior to entering the corporate world in Chicago, that tension fully took over in my mind. The unresolved fear led me to conclude that I shouldn’t ever become a mother. That legitimate concern could have been addressed in a much healthier way if I had honestly faced my anxiety, learning how successful people manage their priorities, thrive on work-life balance, so on and so forth.
Unfortunately, I chose to stay away from all the scenarios in my head by throwing myself into challenging assignments, business trips, working even harder and longer hours, to a point that my doctor seriously warned me about my health symptoms which should only be common among seniors.
Growing pains are different from taking risks — they shouldn’t be avoided
At one point it made sense to me to stay away from “unnecessary” growing pains to simply focus on my strengths. At the end of day it only brought me back to the lessons that should have been my priority all along: healthy relational skills, a well-rounded lifestyle, timeless virtues such as patience, courage with uncertainties, even a sense of humor — all of the important lessons to prepare me to succeed in life, every aspect of it.
What’s missing in me, was the sense of security to discover what is actually expected of me, or isn’t, when it comes to new circumstances. The new requirement may very well be just taking a small step forward, but they were often interpreted as a big risk rather than a normal growing process. It was a fear of losing everything as soon as I venture out from my comfort zone, my strengths and accomplishments. And it was simply a lie.
Wasn’t it ridiculous? It was.
In hindsight, I was searching for a 100% confidence of where a future experience would take me, so I could make a judgment call whether to move forward.
As life went on, few of my close friends were nice enough to listen to my self-inflicted dilemma over and over. Subconsciously I was just trying to persuade myself, or have someone convince me to choose one way or the other, without personally diving into the discovery process. But life never works this way, isn’t it?
Leaving the comfort zone, getting to the bottom of my concern was the only way out
Should I keep relying on what I’m already good at?
Or am I willing to take a leap, press through the growing pains, trusting the results will eventually come?
What if I find myself struggling with the foreseeable tensions?
Would I regret the experience?
Through a church retreat in 2004, I had an opportunity to reconcile with some of the darkest hours of my soul. The experience prompted me to finally shift my mindset from running-away to courageously learning to overcome my struggles — learning to trust, to forgive and let go, learning to feel secure enough to start from ground zero, learning to take the time to grow no matter how far behind I was.
Ultimately, I learned that it’s possible to thrive on being new again
That was when I finally became at ease with taking the next step in life — exploring the role of being a parent. Over the past decade I’ve taken on dozens of learning curves, including those I never imagined possible. Few years back I made one of those pivotal choices again when I walked away from my career to purposely restructure my life. I wanted to give my two kids their once-in-a-lifetime experience of at-home parenting. Am I too late? I hope not. Was that an easy decision, heck no. Am I that noble? Of course not. It’s a privilege for which my husband and I are forever grateful.
That was the beginning of my biggest learning curve. But this time I’m ready.
Frankly, some learning curves were much tougher than the others. Often times it’s due to my own negligence or being shied away from something that should have been my role and lesson over the years. Nonetheless, stepping forward even with uncertainties will always open doors to new opportunities. In many cases, it means breakthroughs in relationships, expanded skills and influences, and experiencing the joy and rewards of being a rookie all over again.
Regardless of who you are and what you’ve been through, you could also experience the same, and more! After all, isn’t life more than simply safeguarding what we’re proud of or comfortable with?
Wouldn’t you want to experience your best, way beyond your past and all the successes you’ve had?
That’s why I am passionate about sharing this with everyone, because I’ve personally seen the amazing results achieved by ordinary people like myself when we honestly go through our learning curves in life.
And that’s my story. What about you?
What kind of rookie stories have you lived or would like to begin? What makes it so worthwhile for you?
When you begin to see your uncertainties and struggles turning into milestones and breakthroughs, you’ll be so glad you’ve chosen the path to Thrive on the Learning Curve.
Let’s get started, shall we? Welcome aboard!
