When do you feel most at ease?  On a vacation?  At a familiar place with familiar people? After receiving some positive feedback?  Being praised for your accomplishments?

On the flip side, when do you feel least comfortable — so much so that you wish nobody would notice you?  Is it at work, at home, with particular friends or family members?  I bet it wasn’t because you committed a terrible act, or had serious doubts about your abilities.  That feeling probably came from some recurring experiences you’ve had with certain people or in certain settings.  And these people are not necessarily your enemies.  In fact, they may be people who know you the best.  But because they seem to care more about the traditions or culture, the bottom-line, or other pre-existing structures, you begin to wonder if they actually pay attention to you at all as an individual.

I personally didn’t come from a military family history.  But for some strange reason while growing up I always felt compelled to conform to rules and order.  Perhaps you feel the same way, or interact with people who clearly have such tendencies.  Maybe you came from a family that highlights obedience without many explanations.  Or you grew up in a culture that demands submission to the authority or a ranking system.  Year after year out of the need to survive or attempts to break free, you started to notice a way out — by flying under the radar. After all, who would want to be targeted and shot down time and time again?

Except there is one problem.  

Have you ever noticed some hard-working, capable people who are also very hesitant to move forward?  They may not even want to know whether they’re making any progress, as if they’re going to be harshly judged once people find out where they are at.  They would rather bury their heads in the sand, keeping themselves busy with what they do best.  They feel that flying under the radar would keep them safe, though they’ve already lost sight of the big picture and the direction they’re heading.  Does flying under the radar actually work? If so, how long?

Eventually anyone would run out of gas without getting a check-up and refueling regularly. Doing so requires interactions with peers and those who hold us accountable.  It could be very nerve-wracking to some people, including myself.  It may triggers some bad memories. Nonetheless, it still beats getting lost or crashing, doesn’t it?  Here’s why:

• By flying the radar we assume there’s a threat (real or unreal), and that we’re inadequate to handle it.  It limits our capacity to fully function as an individual, a team member, a spouse, a parent, a friend.  Bearing such a burden will prevent healthy growth in any roles and relationships.

• By flying under the radar we’re living inside a bubble.  Don’t we all act a little differently when we think nobody is around?  Yes, we all need personal boundaries and privacy, but functioning in a vacuum simply disconnects us from the real world, real expectations and actual results.

• By flying under the radar we’ll easily slide into a downward spiral.  The more we try to avoid being noticed, the smaller our world becomes, and thus, everything becomes less meaningful and impactful.

• By flying under the radar, we have an urge to wear a mask and use all kinds of excuses to justify any faults or lack of progress.  Instead, we can choose to be upfront with our desires and limitations.  You’d be surprised how much clarity, support, and resources you’ll see along the way.  

The next time you feel tempted to go under the radar indefinitely, think twice. You may never fully feel at ease to show up with what you’ve got.  It’s still better to swallow your fear and seek collaboration than to crash and burn.

• Where in your life have you been flying solo or under the radar for quite a while?

• Who can you talk to as your first step to connect with your crew?

You are welcome to share your thoughts and experiences below. Click here to find out more about thriving on a new journey.  Until next time, enjoy your course and Thrive on the Learning Curve!